Nurses are Human....

Not every labor nurse can care for a mother who will have a stillbirth. Some nurses just can’t do it, some just don’t want to do it, and some just aren’t good at it. Frequently, the same nurses are chosen over and over again to care for a mother who will not get to take their baby home. I knew early on that I would be one of the nurses chosen to care for these families. 

Continue reading... http://adventuresofalabornurse.com/2015/04/30/nurses-are-human/

Perinatal Loss Seminar

Join Us for Sharing & Caring: Perinatal Loss Seminar!

September 25-27, 2015 

St. Peters, MO

CEU's available!

http://nationalshare.org/act/attend-training/sharing-caring/ 

View this video from a past participant! 

https://youtu.be/uAAHYCdziso

Ever Upward: Overcoming the Lifelong Losses of Infertility to Define Your Own Happy Ending

“When are you having kids?”

“Why don’t you just adopt?”

To the 1 in 8 couples who endure infertility treatments, common questions like these do not feel at all innocent or well-meaning. Instead, they can feel invalidating to the brutal battle of infertility and minimizing to the often arduous path of adoption.

Ever Upward is the story of how Justine Brooks Froelker redefined her life for the better after the heartbreaking, devastating and lifelong losses of infertility. Beginning with Justine’s incredible story of surviving two back surgeries, a year in a body cast and IVF with a gestational surrogate, Justine guides the reader through the strategies she used to overcome the loss of her dream of motherhood and chose to thrive through the ownership and acceptance of her childfree, yet childfull life.

Providing a voice to those silenced by infertility, Ever Upward gives permission to talk about it, embrace it and own it all. Opening the conversation to ask for understanding and acceptance of the path that sadly doesn’t include children, it challenge us all to consider more than one happy ending.

Ever Upward is Justine’s story, and yet it is our story, parent or not, because behind the wall of shamed silence, the smile and “I can do everything” attitude lies millions of couples suffering with the pain of infertility. Join Justine as she shows us that the connection to our stories in the only way back to the truth of who we are.

Justine Froelker, author of Ever Upward, will donate $5 of the purchase price of Ever Upward through their online store to Share! This purchase price is cheaper than most retailers and as of now will be the only place to get a signed copy of the book!

Purchase Now! 

http://ever-upward.myshopify.com/collections/all/products/signed-copy-of-ever-upward-overcoming-the-lifelong-losses-of-infertility-to-own-a-childfree-life

This information was posted on the NPR twitter feed and I thought it was applicable to this audience. 

Miscarriage is a common yet seldom discussed health problem. What do you wish people knew about it? 

Email NPR CrowdSource - nprcrowdsource@npr.org, and we may use your (confidential) answer in a story.

What I Want You to Know about Pregnancy After Loss

This is a powerful article.... the truth about Pregnacy After Loss from one bereaved mother.

http://www.pregnancyafterlosssupport.com/what-i-want-you-to-know-about-pregnancy-after-loss/

Caring Companion Workshop Available

The Caring Companion is a two-day training seminar designed to educate and prepare a parent volunteer in providing peer support to a family experiencing the loss of a baby. A Companion is a parent who has also experienced the loss of a baby and who wishes to guide and support a newly bereaved family through their journey, from the hospital bedside through the grieving process. This workshop will provide a Companion with the education and hands-on skills to work with families who have experienced the tragic death of a baby through early pregnancy loss, stillbirth, or in the first few months of life.

September 12 – 13, 2015
Community Commons, St. Peters, MO

http://nationalshare.org/the-caring-companion-workshop/

For more information, please email companion@nationalshare.org or call the National Office at 636-947-6164.

Mother's Day & Father's Day Grief

Mother's Day & Father's Day Newsletter Now Available!

Mother’s Day and Father’s Day are often some of the most difficult days bereaved parents face. If your only child has died, you may wonder, “Am I still a parent?” Even if you have living children, these days can be challenging to get through when a part of their family is missing. 

For this issue, we want to share stories, poems and ideas on how bereaved families have celebrated these two special days. 

Please take a moment to read this edition of our magazine or pass along to those who may benefit from its contents.

View here!

Notes of Hope... Love Letters To Your Baby

Share is launching a "Notes of Hope" campaign in February! We encourage all bereaved parents, grandparents, siblings, family/friends and professionals to email or mail a love note or poem to your sweet bab(ies) and all babies that have gone far too soon. 

Share's intention is to create a beautiful keepsake journal that will be published digitally in October, during Pregnancy and Infant Loss Awareness Month. Please continue to spread the message of hope.

We encourage all love letters/poems to be received by email (jnikodym@nationalshare.org) or by mail (National Share, 402 Jackson, St. Charles, MO 63301) by April 30, 2015.

Go Ahead, Have a Bawl

Go Ahead, Have a Bawl was submitted to Share for the Nov/Dec Magazine Issue by Ginny Limer of Scared Sidless. 

Bare feet and sandals have succumbed to socks and sneakers. The freedom of a summer day has been lost in the routine of back to school affairs for our five children, ages 6-15. All of them eager for a new school year, a new beginning, yet silently, their dad and I know, they are thinking about the upcoming anniversary of their baby brother's death, and the looming holidays without him. Homework, after school activities, and daily life have been the catalysts for time to do as time will do, pass quickly when you are not paying attention. Just six short weeks, and one report card later, the holiday traditions have begun. This season of celebration will be the catalyst for grieving parents to do as grieving parents will do, dread the holidays. Picking pumpkins leads to pondering questions like "What would my child have dressed up as this year?” Thanksgiving gatherings force parents to feel the weight of grief, accompanied with thoughts of, "How can I be thankful without one of my children?” Winter traditions have some siblings writing “Dear Santa, I just want my baby back.” These never-ending, heartbreaking thoughts and unanswered questions will be the catalysts for grief to do as grief does, supersede the spirit, joy, and jolly of life. Grief has a way of diminishing the quality time that should be spent celebrating life and tradition with loved ones. Grief cannot, refuses to be, ignored, and must be faced and embraced. So I say to myself, husband, children, and fellow grieving hearts, “Go ahead, have a bawl. Cry, scream, and let it out. Then, turn the destructive thoughts into constructive actions. Turn the rage into remembrance.”  

What should have been our first Christmas with our “nine” month old son Cullin was our first without him. He passed away from SIDS just three months prior at six months young. As decorations flew from boxes and tears streamed from my eyes, thoughts of our baby boy flooded my mind. I became angry, literally pissed, and engulfed with rage. There should be eight stockings, not seven. Grief’s partner, anger, took over my mind, hands, and feet. Boxes were thrown, items on shelves were shoved off, and ornaments were smashed. It’s unknown how long my personal wrecking party lasted, but tears, screams, and now shattered ornaments filled my garage, and I still felt empty. The garage was restored, but the ever-present feelings of longing for my son lingered. 
I had to re-channel my energies, refocus my thoughts, and as my husband says, “replace everything broken!” including broken ornaments, broken hearts, and broken traditions. As I was in the garage having a bawl, Cullin’s five siblings were inside having a ball pulling out decorations, getting ready to decorate the tree, sip hot cocoa, watch holiday cartoons, and hang their stockings, each longing for normal holiday traditions and the emotional presence of their parents. After such a release of emotion, these holiday activities seemed “do-able,” and my personal smashing party was a catalyst for me to do as I will do, think of ways to “make it” through this life sentence without my child, to make it through birthdays, death dates, and holiday seasons without our little boy, and to cope in mindful, positive, expressive ways. 

The rage felt in our garage that day inspired the creation of a remembrance stocking, crafted from burlap and pieces of Cullin’s clothes. The destructive thoughts (and actions) were turned into constructive actions, and mindless presence was turned into mindful interaction. Writing has been an expressive coping mechanism for me, especially during the emotional holiday season. Last year I wrote, “When Thanksgiving feels like Thanksgrieving…When planning for the holidays, plan for sadness. Consider it to be on the menu for the day. Eat a small portion, or stuff yourself with grief. It’s your choice. Keep in mind it’s best to eat in moderation. It takes longer to recover when you stuff yourself.” 


This year when family and friends arrive for the feast, they will see eight stockings hanging by our decorated tree. I may bawl, scream, and smash ornaments again, but then I plan to create new memories and have a ball with my loved ones, celebrating the season with thoughts of my youngest child in my heart as times does what time will do, ring in another new year. 

Carson McCullers & All Souls Day - RIVER JORDAN

River Jordan contacted Share via the website and also by phone to let us know that she found some balloons from the Share Walk on Oct 18 in St. Louis, and when we contacted her to thank her and ask for whom the balloons were sent, we got the below blog link as her reply. Such a beautiful posting about her response to finding the balloons.

http://www.riverjordan.info/blog/carson-mccullers-all-souls-day

Share Walk for Remembrance & Hope: Balloon Found

The annual Share Walk for Remembrance & Hope was last Saturday in St. Louis, MO. As part of the remembrance ceremony, bereaved family members release a balloon in memory of their baby, once his/her name is called. 

Share received a call from a very sweet man named Joseph who found one of the Share balloons in his yard today. He is from Cedar Hill, TN, and said God Bless for all you do and to have a good day. 

October is Pregnancy & Infant Loss Awareness Month

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=FSVV4uqzTjI#t=192 

October is Pregnancy & Infant Loss Awareness Month

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=FSVV4uqzTjI#t=192

Reclaiming the Grief - St. Louis Review Feature

Children's memorial example of ways parents reclaiming grief after loss of a child: 
http://stlouisreview.com/article/2014-10-08/reclaiming-grief

October is Pregnancy & Infant Loss Awareness Month

October is Pregnancy & Infant Loss Awareness Month. Share is launching "31 Days of Share," which will utilize social media to raise awareness of pregnancy loss and infant death. We will post something daily and invite you to share our posts in an effort to increase awareness!

Each year, approximately a million pregnancies in the United States end in miscarriage, stillbirth, or the death of the newborn child. The Pregnancy and Infant Loss Awareness Movement began in the United States on October 25, 1988, when then-American President Ronald Reagan designated the month of October 1988 as Pregnancy and Infant Loss Awareness Month.

The loss of a child stays with parents, friends, and family members forever, but it can be challenging for others to truly understand the emotional and physical impact. Events across the country take place each October and help people to better empathize and support parents on their journey to hope.

Pregnancy and Infant Loss Awareness Month enables us to consider how, as individuals and communities, we can meet the needs of bereaved parents and family members and work to prevent causes of these problems. For more information, visit www.nationalshare.org.

Follow "31 Days of Share" on our Facebook page!

Our Precious Maria

By: Laura Lumetta 

Maria Grace Lumetta was stillborn on December 19, 2011. The loss of our precious Maria was felt by not only my husband and I, but also by the eight siblings she left behind. Our children mourned in various ways. Some drew pictures, some wrote letters, and one daughter crocheted identical blankets. One of the blankets I held Maria in at the hospital and now keep in a special place, and the other blanket was wrapped around Maria before she was placed in the casket. 

The following is a poem that another daughter, Carolina (age 13 at the time), wrote for Maria. This poem was framed and displayed at the memorial service. 

You were a blessing, a joy, 
The first moment we heard of you. 
You were loved from the start 
By everyone around you. 

You were a sweet creation of God, 
And He gave you a family to live in. 
How anyone could love you more 
I just can't imagine. 

You were a light, an example, 
Changing your whole family. 
We saw you and thought, 
“She will live very happily.” 

You had brothers galore, 
Sisters and parents who loved you. 
You had uncles, aunts, and cousins, 
And grandparents, too. 

Yet, you were called to God. 
He wanted His sweet creation with Him. 
You are with Jesus now. 
You are in Heaven with Him. 

We all mourn you. 
We wanted you to stay. 
But if God wants you more, 
How could we keep you away? 

God, take care of her please, 
In Your warm embrace. 
We know she delights in you, 
Seeing Your wonderful face. 

Maria, we miss you dearly. 
We still love you in ev'ry way. 
We will see you again soon 
Up there in Heaven someday. 

Expressions of Grief

This beautiful article was submitted to Share by Ginny Limer. 

She is my most sensitive of six children. My curly haired, nature- loving, brilliant, eldest daughter just entered the truck, and she is asking many questions without any words. At just 10, she is very keen at deducing that something is wrong, silently wondering why she has an early dismissal from school. Why is Aunt Jana in the car with us? She is staring at me in disbelief, eyes watering, mouth open, because the words, “Cullin has gone to Heaven” were just forced from my mouth and ripped from my heart. Her baby brother has gone to Heaven, taken from us by Sudden Infant Death Syndrome (SIDS). I’m thinking, “Yes, my son has just passed away. Yes, I am barely mobile, driving on sheer fear and trauma induced adrenaline, but Kili, and the other five sudden siblings of loss, are now grieving and in need of professional and parental guidance.” 

Our three sons, Ryan, Dalton, and Aren (ages 13, 10 and 8 at the time) are told about their little buddy, their baby brother’s passing. Silence, blank stares, and many tears follow those heartbreaking and unbelievably difficult conversations. The fifth little piggy, Kindil June (4 years old then) witnesses and experiences Cullin’s passing first hand at our beloved baby sitter, Mrs. Amy’s, house. My poor, sweet, innocent baby girl was there and, along with another four year old girl and a one year old boy, experienced a very traumatic situation. Death has a way of making children feel angry, guilty, fearful, lonely, depressed, which causes physical distress and a loss of innocence.

Ours is a blended family, a “his, mine, ours” family. Cullin was OURS, all of ours, each of ours. The pain of his absence is felt as a whole as well as individuals, and leaves us all wondering why. The loss of a child leaves a family wondering why. We wonder why, and we wonder what actions to take now. Searching for healthy ways to deal with Cullin’s death, we read many books about loss (such as “Dancing on the Moon,” and “We were Going to have a Baby but Had and Angel Instead”), and have had many open (and open- ended) discussions. We read for answers. We searched for understanding. There is a need for both understanding and being understood while grieving.

With broken hearts and idle hands, Cullin’s siblings wrote messages to their brother and sent them to the sky during a balloon release that was provided by thoughtful neighbors. These ladies also brought chalk, lots of chalk, for the kids to draw pictures and messages “to Cullin” on the driveway. Focused, creative activities encourage the children to channel their grief in a positive, healthy way. Ryan, the oldest son, began to write songs. The curly haired, sensitive big sister began drawing pictures on paper. Dalton began writing about memories and times shared with his baby brother. The oldest two created a newsletter, calling it Children with Difficulties and Loss (C.D.L. their baby brother’s initials) and include submissions from other siblings of loss that they have connected with through our non profit for families that have endured the loss of a child.

Scared Sidless was inspired by loving neighbors, created for families and siblings of loss, and helps others in honor of Cullin Darden Limer. We are here to help other families find creative ways to channel grief at home. If you would like to find out more about Scared Sidless, Camp

Cullin (our annual “get away” for siblings of grief), any of our initiatives for families of loss, or to have your children submit their expressions of grief for the children’s newsletter, please “Like” us at www.facebook.com/sidlessnow or visit www.scaredsidless.com . Scared Sidless, “Turning the helplessness into helpfulness.”

About the Author: Ginny Limer, Wife, Teacher, Photographer, CEO of www.scaredsidless.com
Mother of 5 on Earth, 1 in Heaven.
Our six month old son, and the light of all of our lives, passed away from SIDS on October 1, 2012. 

Children & Grief: September/October

The September/October edition of Sharing provides stories from bereaved parents and professionals on children's grief, as they are often called the "forgotten grievers." When their baby sibling dies, children may experience a myriad of emotions and reactions to the death. This issue will share ways families have helped their child move through his/her grief, including the difficulties. Please take a moment to read this edition of our magazine or pass along to those who may benefit from its contents.

http://www.nationalshare.org/SeptOc.pdf

Max's Footprints in our Sand

This beautiful story was sent to us by DeAndrea Dare as she is Remembering Anderson Maxwell Graham, March 12, 2013. 

When my husband Aaron and I first started dating, we were thrilled to discover that we shared a love of travel.  As soon as I found out I was pregnant, we began to dream about all of the places we would visit with our baby, all the adventures we would take and all of the sites that we would see through the innocent eyes of a child.  

We bought a new camera at Christmas so we would have plenty of time to learn how to use all of the features in time for the baby's arrival.  Never did we dream that our lives would turn out much different than we could have ever imagined.  Max was born in the early hours of March 12, 2013 at only 28 weeks due to a placental abruption.  I remember Aaron placing our beautiful Max in my arms and with tears running down his face he said, "Wherever we go, whatever we do, we are always going to think about how he should be with us."  As I recovered at home from the emergency surgery and tried to tread the waters of grief, I searched the internet for ways to honor my baby boy.  I found artists who made jewelry for me out of his hand and foot prints.  For Mother's Day, friends gave me bracelets with his name on them.  And then a friend sent me a link to an etsy site, where I could have his prints made into a stamp.  My friend suggested that I could take it with me to special places.  I began to think about how I could physically leave his 'mark' wherever I went.  I contacted the etsy shop owner and shared with her Max's story.  She was so kind and agreed to make the stamp of his feet for me.  And, so it began that Max's mark began being stamped all over the country.  

His footprint is stamped and painted on a Heart Stone and is placed at the Bridge of Hope at Faith's Lodge in Wisconsin.  His feet are stamped on the threshold of my parent's home in Louisiana.  Last year his feet were stamped on a prayer flag that flew on the top of Cadillac Mountain in Maine at sunrise.  My favorite place and experience so far was stamping his feet in the sand in South Carolina.  We woke up at sunrise and headed to the beach.  It was incredibly peaceful as the sun began to peak out from the soft fluffy clouds.  The pastel colors were nearly the shades of a baby nursery.  The water gently made its way up onto the beach and then quietly flowed back out to sea.  I found a stick and began to write his name in the sand.  As I wrote the letters, I was filled simply with peace.  And then I began to stamp his feet, one by one, side by side in a walking pattern as if he were running on the sand and having his little toes tickled by the foaming water for the first time.  Tears crept into the corner of my eyes but I also smiled.  The joy that I felt while I carried him inside of me began to return.  Print by print.  The grief that, at times, had felt like a tsunami overwhelming me somehow gave way in those moments to a gentle softness that filled me once again with a love that no words could ever describe.  My husband and I looked down and the tiny prints of our son who changed our lives, made us parents, created a family and left a legacy that is still unfolding.  My friend, holding the camera that we bought at Christmas, which we thought would be taking a picture of the three of us on the beach one day, still took a picture of the three of us, just in a different way.  The wind blew in wild gusts and our hair flew around like mad.  We knelt down behind his name, looked up at the camera...and smiled.  We were overwhelmed with love, filled with joy, finding a little peace and being surrounded by Max's spirit that could not be contained in such a little body.  I look back at that picture all of the time.  It was a turning point.  Those tsunami waves still come from time to time.  I still wish I could hold him in my arms and not have to stamp his feet.  But, he goes with us, we carry him in all of our moments in all of our travels and his little footprints are on our hearts forever and can be found wherever we are and where ever we go.  

Kaleidoscope

This beautiful article was written by Share's Program Director, Rose Carlson.

One of my favorite things about my job at Share is a burial service and ceremony we host four times each year for babies who were miscarried at three of our local hospitals. It is one of my favorite things because I know how much something like this would have meant to me many years ago when I experienced my own early losses, and I do all I can to make it memorable and meaningful for the families who attend. Over the years I have planned and attended this ceremony, I have been incredibly blessed to meet so many parents and their extended family members who have shared countless touching stories with me—stories of their own losses and how healing it would have been for them to also have a service such as this. It is held at a local funeral home/cemetery, and while each grave is not marked, there is a monument of a kneeling Rachel from the bible next to a plaque that reads, “Our hopes and our dreams lie here.” 

I have always loved that. It is so fitting for someone who has experienced the death of a baby, especially early in pregnancy. Oftentimes, others do not understand the depth of grief a parent feels when a baby dies early in a pregnancy, and this plaque says it all—because not only has a baby died, but the hopes and dreams the parents had for that baby, perhaps from the moment the pregnancy was confirmed, died as well.

Our summer service was a few weeks ago. It is a simple, short ceremony that consists of poems, songs performed lovingly by a bereaved mom whose son died 13 years ago, comforting words from one of our hospital chaplains and a graveside balloon release. This time, as I listened to the speakers and poems and songs, for some reason, I found it hard to hold back tears. It is rare that I cry at this ceremony, but when I do, it is usually because there is someone in attendance whose situation reminds me of my own. More typically however, I hold off my tears until I am in my car on the way home. That was not the case on this particular day…I didn’t know the story of anyone who was there, yet I found myself fighting tears anyway, especially when I looked at one young couple who was especially distraught, crying loudly and holding each other tightly. So that others wouldn’t see that I was crying, I looked down at the floor.

As in most funeral homes, at least those I have been in, the décor is fairly ornate. I have been in this funeral home many times, not only for the Share burial service, but also for the funerals and calling hours for people I have known as it is one of the most “popular” funeral homes in my city. But on this day, as I stared at the floor, I noticed something I never paid attention to before: The patterns on the carpet. There were several different shapes scattered about in shades of green, burgundy and gold, and they reminded me of the varying patterns in a kaleidoscope. The more I stared at my feet, and the more I examined the details of the carpet, the more my mind drifted, and I considered the ways a kaleidoscope is similar to grief and life after ones baby dies.

A kaleidoscope contains many different pieces, colors and gems, and while the pieces and colors stay the same, even a minuscule turn of the wheel causes each little fragment to combine in a way that makes something unique and unexpected. 

As I stared at the carpet, I thought about how the same can be said for grief. The “parts” are often the same even though life has completely changed. People in one’s life are the same-- friends, family members, acquaintances, neighbors, coworkers. Situations and circumstances are likely the same--going to the grocery store and Target and preschool and the park and evening walks. I thought about how even though the same “parts” are always there, one little twist or turn of events can cause those parts to tumble and change into something completely different from what appeared before the twist.  I thought about how when you turn the end of a kaleidoscope, some patterns and configurations are prettier than others, and you never know what you’re going to see. The same can be said for grief:  Sometimes, the twists and turns reveal something you do not like, something that angers you even. Other times, the twists and turns reveal something beautiful that you weren’t anticipating. And, most definitely, when you are in the depths of grief, you never know what to expect from the twists and turns each new day brings.

When I was at home later that afternoon, I couldn’t get the thoughts of a kaleidoscope out of my mind, so I sat down at my computer and began Googling to see if there is some symbolic meaning in kaleidoscopes.

Well, lo and behold, there is!

I read a handful of articles, all of which discussed metaphors that relate to kaleidoscopes. I could connect most of them to what parents undergo after the death of their baby, and I began to feel less crazy for the thoughts I had about kaleidoscopes as I stared at that colorful kaleidoscope-y carpet.

New beginnings emerge from the breakup of past forms

Wow. How true is that?

 I’m not sure there is anything that causes a new beginning for a person more than the death of a child does. Over and over I have read, been told by so many bereaved parents, and even learned myself from firsthand experience that life is often abruptly divided into “before” and “after.” While the people in your lives may stay the same, relationships are often forever altered. Frequently, those changes are for the better, but just as often, they are not. It is not uncommon for grieving parents to see people and relationships in new and surprising ways after the death of their baby. The people are the same, but a slight turn of events, even words, can shift lives and relationships into something else entirely.

All things turn and spin and change, endlessly rearranging themselves

Again, how perfectly does that fit with the way grief evolves and in the process, transforms the grieving parent and often everything about the bereaved parent’s life? Grief is made up of so many different emotions and thoughts, and they are ever changing, not only from one week or day to the next, but often from one hour or minute to the next. Again, the pieces of your life likely stay the same, the people involved may stay the same, but they are constantly rearranged into different patterns based on seemingly innocent situations. One day, grief may be triggered by a song on the radio, another day that song may not have an impact, but a random encounter in the grocery store can bring you to your knees. A loved one who you were once close to may be unsupportive and irritated with the way you are grieving, yet a mere acquaintance may pleasantly surprise you with kindness, compassion and concern. This rearranging of the usual order of your life can make you feel out of sorts, confused and frustrated.

Change evolves from chaos

Is there anything more chaotic and upsetting to the routine of one’s life than the death of a child? I think not. Some of the most profound changes that a person can undergo are those that occur after the death of a baby. Your life may have felt neat and tidy, going according to plan, when your whole world was abruptly and violently shaken, turned upside down--crushed and destroyed. Your life and world likely seem chaotic with everything out of control, and profound changes will inevitably occur.

I found this especially meaningful when thinking of bereaved parents:

The patterns of a kaleidoscope, a succession of interlinkings, are unified into one whole. Each piece is a vital part of that whole, no matter how small. Take one piece away and the image is not quite the same.

I pondered that one for quite some time.

Using that image, a kaleidoscope is not only a metaphor for grief, but also for the entire experience of life after the death of a baby. If one were able to pop open a kaleidoscope and remove a piece then put it back together, that kaleidoscope would never again be the same, though from the outside, it would appear unchanged. After the removal of that one piece, no matter what pattern is created after each twist and turn, that missing piece will forever affect the entire kaleidoscope. While beautiful patterns will still be created, they will always be different than what would have been created had that one tiny piece not been removed. Your baby, no matter how small, will always be a vital, missing piece of your whole. You and your family may look the same from the outside, as if you have been “put back together.” Yet, while the pieces of your life will change and evolve in many different ways, sometimes beautiful, amazing, breathtaking ways, there will always be one crucial piece missing that will forever affect the whole of your life. While there will still be lovely moments, moments of peace, even moments of joy, that missing piece has forever changed your kaleidoscope.

I want to end this with something I read in one of the articles that I find especially significant. The author wrote:

The tumbling pieces are held together by a protective circle.

Again, I found that applicable to the experiences of a grieving parent. The protective circle, which typically has a huge impact on the ways a bereaved parent grieves, begins to heal and eventually finds new hope is formed by your loved ones. Your protective circle also will evolve and change as time goes on. It’s not uncommon for those who were supportive and enveloping with their compassion for you to fade away and be replaced by someone new, maybe a support group or new friends who have been where you are, someone who becomes an integral part of your protective circle. That protective circle is a crucial part of your story, of your baby’s story, of your ever-changing yet still beautiful kaleidoscope.