Tuesday, May 5, 2009

When we decided to create this Share blog, I knew that I did not want to be the only one writing posts on it. While I do love to write, it's not my blog...I want it to share the perspectives and thoughts of guest bloggers, others out in the blogging world who already have blogs dealing with pregnancy and infant loss issues. There are so many out there, and so many really wonderful writers. I have found several blogs over the past few months that I enjoy reading, and we have them linked here. If you know of any others, please email me a link to them so I can check them out.

One of the blogs I discovered recently is Cara Tyrell's...Building Heavenly Bridges. Cara is the founder of Share Southern Vermont, and I had the pleasure of meeting her in March when she came to our Sharing and Caring training workshop for Share group leaders. Cara's first child, Emma Grace Tyrell, was born still at full term eight years ago. Since then, Cara has been blessed with two living children, and she has kept her love and memories of Emma close at heart and started Share Southern Vermont as well as her blog in Emma's memory. She not only writes her blog...she is a columnist for Exhale, an online magazine for those grieving the death of a baby (http://www.exhalezine.com/.) She is also is in the final days of planning her first remembrance walk, being held this coming Saturday in Springfield, Vermont. Cara will be writing for Share your Thoughts the first week of each month, and I hope you enjoy her touching, thought-provoking posts as much as I do.

In these days leading to Mother's Day, know that you will be in the hearts and thoughts of all of us at Share.
Warmly,
Rose
I Am

I am so many things; so very many that listing them for you would be an extensive project, sure to bore both of us. So, I tell you only three things about me, as a start.

1) I am Emma’s mother. She is not part of this world, but she is my daughter –my first born, and I – her mother, always.
2) I am a trained Share group leader working with families as they walk their grief roads.
3) I will be posting here the first Monday of every month.

Truly, that’s all we need to know – for now. The rest will come in time, through words and back-story, emotion and conversation. It matters little what I do with my days, because my sole purpose both as a Share blog contributor and a group leader, is to be a source of hope, comfort and inspiration. In other words: Emma’s mother.

There are very few parts of my real life where I am afforded this title. I have to fight for it, remind others that she existed, still exists – because I love her, because we talk about her and keep her alive within our home.

It is for this reason that I crave our monthly support meetings as much as the parents in active grief do. I walk into the library, slowly pushing open the heavy door, taking in every inch of our space. Breathing deeply, I reach into my bags to set up: the lending library, the new parent folders, our snack, our chairs, our tissues. I can feel the shift. Emma’s time is at hand.

“I’ll begin”, I say, a broad smile spreading across my face as the familiar words slip off my tongue. “I am Cara, mother to Emma Grace, with us for forty weeks and one day, born still on September 8th, 2000.”

These words were not always so easy to say. There was a time when they felt like a lie, when the mere idea of speaking them caused me to become mute. There was a time when I choked them out, syllable by rebellious syllable, aware that I had to accept the truth, only to end with a cascade of tears, near hyperventilation. There was a time when they became weapons, my tools laced with righteous indignation to prove to the world that I had a daughter. There was a time they became a tired refrain to, “Is this your first?”, the constant inquiry with lilted inflection that followed a glance at my bulging belly. Only now, eight years later, do these words fill me with a sense of bittersweet peace and purpose.

Thank you, for allowing me this space to share Emma with you. I look forward to reading each of your stories.

Whose parent are you?

8 comments:

Gina said...

I am a Mother to Lia Rose born at 18 weeks on January 2, 2009.

Maggie said...

I am Francis "Frankie" Raymond's mother who was born too soon at 22 weeks on November 13, 2008. Thank you for starting this blog :)

Cara said...

Gina, Lia Rose's mother, I hope you got my email.

Maggie, Frakie's mother, I am so very sorry for all that you have lost as he left you too soon.

I will be thinking of both of you, and your children, as we walk this weekend. If you would like your baby's name read, please email me.

Nan said...

Happy Mother's Day ladies, and yes we are all Mom's, heavenly and/or earthly. I am a Mother to 3 beautiful triplet angel girls, Shelby, Megan and Lynne, born too soon at 20 weeks on March 6, 2009.

DM said...

I am mommy to Ria who passed away in my arms 1 year ago today. She was born at 39 weeks and 2 days but had such a traumatic delivery that she was brain dead by her second day of life. Today I grieve my baby girl but am grateful to her for allowing me to experience true love.

Anonymous said...

I am mommy to Fernando Michael Philip, born August 24, 2004. This is my beginning to healing....

Cara said...

DM - I am so sorry for all that you lost when Ria passed. That true love is certainly a gift you two share.

Anon- Please feel free to visit our wall of angels (www.wallofangels.blogspot.com)and contact me if you would like Fernando remembered and loved by many. Healing is a very personal process...

Giselle said...

I am Aaron Raphael's mommy. He is 4 1/2 years old. I am Arthur Michal's mommy. He will be two in August. I am April Marie Grace's mommy, conceived April 16, 2009, carried until 9 p.m. June 12, 2009. How long will this hurt this badly?

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