Wednesday, January 18, 2012

Autumn Whispering

The following was written by Carol Koessel, in which she expresses her grieving and creative ways of healing. 

When we lost our baby to a miscarriage, my partner and I were crushed. There was such a feeling of loss, and so little to do. We knew the baby had died, and we chose to let nature take its course and let the baby come on its own time rather than have surgery to remove her.   

During that period of waiting, my partner Rick spent many hours in the shop in the garage working on something. After several days, he came and showed me a beautiful little pregnant goddess figure he had made of redwood burl to put our baby in. A tiny little coffin, but so beautiful and sweet it hardly reminded me of the death we’d had to endure. The thought of burying the beautiful little box he’d worked so hard on sent me back into tears.

After carrying the baby for 10 days, I could not bear the grief anymore. We decided to have the surgery to remove the baby. It never occurred to me to ask for the baby’s remains as it was all so overwhelming. We returned home and lay in bed holding each other and cried. My arms felt so empty, as did our hearts.

A few days later, I created a tiny little baby out of light pink beeswax to place in the little box Rick had made. Autumn Whispering’s spirit now resides in that little box on a fluff of lamb’s fleece. It is our reminder of our baby and the love we shared for her.

Rick’s woodwork was something he needed to do on his own, alone. It was his time to grieve and spend his private moments with the dreams, hopes and memories of our baby. For me, I wrote. I wrote poems, letters and journal entries. I keep a little memory book for our little Autumn. The writing was so healing for me. It helped me to remember the gift of her short time with us and the gift she will always be—a little light of hope in our hearts.

Autumn came in mid-September
Like a whisper in the breeze
Barely making herself known
To those still caught in summer
For me she was as real
As the sweet smell of
And the fiery of
Early fall
Autumn came and changed my heart
Whispering her name
Gently in my ear
Holding promises of what could be
The season ended much too soon
As did the dreams and hopes
Held in the wind
But never in my arms
Always in my heart
Spirit never
Love carries on 
Regardless of the season

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