This article was written from the perspective of Chloe Pollard
I died suddenly at full term. The reason for my death is a mystery. It wasn't because I did not love my parents or anyone's fault. It was something that just happened. My mom and dad found out I had died when they went to the hospital and were asked many times, “When was the last time you felt the baby move?” They gave my mom a shot and left. They did not come back until hours later when she told dad to get them because she felt she needed to push. I was born sleeping May 27, 1989.
In 1989, Share had an active chapter at St Mary's Hospital in Clayton, MO. This was the same hospital I was delivered at. Mom almost fainted the first time she entered the hospital to get to the room where the meeting was held. She felt weak and devastated getting out of the car.
She choked on my name when Share members first asked her. She hadn't had a REAL conversation about me. My parents became known as Chloe's parents. Share members gave them a safe place to be parents. Mom could say things like: “I think Chloe would like ___”or “Chloe would do ___”. Share members understood, nodded their heads in acceptance. Mom & dad craved unconditional acknowledgment as my parents in those early years. They felt soulfully comforted.
My 23rd birthday was May 27, 2012. Their first Share meeting was June 1989. Dad was Share president during the early growing years of the organization. They've been with Share almost as long as Cathi Lammert. Share gave my parents safe harbor, a place to raise me in their hearts.
My mother asked 3 questions of herself and my dad
1.) What do we do with Chloe love?
2.) Will we see Chloe again?
3.) If yes, how do we answer, “What have you been up to since I left?”
These questions were transformative for my parents. Each found peace and fulfillment in seeking answers. They felt sad but not stuck in continuous sorrow. As time passed without me, they imagined milestone life events. The earliest years were the most painful: first tooth, first words, kindergarten, etc. As I grew up in their hearts, joy and playfulness emerged. An example is my mother “giving” me a boyfriend. She etched a boy's name & mine on a graffiti wall while in a rest room on a road trip to Kansas City. I would have been 15 at the time.
Share helped my parents by offering them a world where they received witness to their love for me. Share gave my parents a place where they could express what was in their hearts. Share is where I grew up.