Tuesday, December 17, 2013

The Christopher Days

By Cathi Lammert
Today is your birthday dear Christopher. The air is crisp and the holidays are upon us, just like 27 years ago. Last night, I reflected about those many feelings just prior to your birth. We were both so very sick and I knew that the following morning a C- Section would be performed to bring you into the world, and I prayed the doctors would be able to save you. I remember all those feelings of uncertainty and yet a glimmer of hope that you would survive. I remember how valiant your fight was and that you gave it all your might but you were just too premature and too sick with our Rh problems. You left this world just 4 days after you joined it, and our life changed forever.

As your mother, I write often about you and the gifts you have given us. Before your death, I thought that when someone died love remained status quo. I had no idea that our love for you would remain in our hearts and grow deeper. The death of a baby is not something you get over, but it is something that becomes a part of you and is eternal. Many people who really do not understand this may be surprised that 27 years later I still remember all the details of your short life and choose to celebrate your short presence.
We have always called this week The Christopher Days; it is our time to remember you.

The celebration began today as your Dad decorated your blue spruce. He could have decorated it yesterday when the weather was warm but he chose today and he was outside in the cold for 7 hours! Your Christopher tree is now 15 feet tall, so it needs lots of lights… or at least your Dad thinks so. I spent a lot of time watching him decorate this evening and was amazed at the loving precision in the placement of each strand. This year, we have close to 3700 lights. I also am amazed how we continue to see forms of angels within the lights. When this annual tradition was completed, tears rolled down our cheeks as the tree was so magnificent.

I choose to write this tonight, as I want you as new mourners to realize that grief is so intense for so many months. I worried that I would forget Christopher but as you can see we have not. I also thought that I would never smile again but I have. Finding a simple ritual, such as decorating the Christopher tree each year has helped us immensely in our remembering. The tears we shared tonight were not of anguish but sweet pure love.


Jill said...

What a sweet post. I am sure the Christopher tree is beautiful! Happy birthday, Christopher! xo

Anonymous said...

I love you and can't wait to come home to see our Christopher Tree. Tell Dad thank you.


Denise S said...

Happy Birthday Christopher--you should be proud of what your mom and dad have done for so many other families in memory and honor of you. So many angels among us.

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